Thoughts on the subject!

Here are some things to remember when you are fighting any kind of cancer. How each moment of each day is one step forward. Each tiny step you take is a victory…or at least a step closer to victory. From just getting out of bed and brushing your teeth to everything more!! A Little Bit Stronger with each step! That is what the cancer battle is! We get a little bit stronger! Just a little bit stronger!! I am not giving you another hour or even another minute! I am busy getting stronger!!!!!

Just remember…you’re getting a little bit stronger!! Cancer is not for wimps! So, fight like a girl! Not just pink, but teal and navy blue and black and green and purple and yellow…Cancer of any color ribbon is not for wimps!!

Just remember you are not a WIMP!

Here we go new dr appointment!

Had appointment on Jan 26 yesterday with the radiation doctor Dr. Shide. We talk for a while and then she examined me. Ask me to raise my arms over my head. Raise them as far as I could. She wanted me to start my arm exercise so I can get me arms all the way over my head. Have not been able to do the exercise since Dr. Chow nurse wanted me to wait and see if the fluid pocket would go down. Dr. Shide ask me to call her and see if I can go ahead and start them so by next week I will be ready to go. Well I decided to go ahead and start the exercise on my own. Did them this morning and let me tell you I could feel my skin really pulling. Some part it felt like my skin was fixing to tear. But I can handle the pain not that I like pain just know how to handle it. My fluid pocket still there and big and uncomfortable looks like I have been working out on one side. I just want it to go away.

Go on Feb. 2 back to Dr. Shide and she will do a CT scan to give her a ideal where to mark me with tattoos. I will have three of them on my right side. On my chest and under my arm. I will have a total of 33 days about 6 weeks of radiation Monday Thur Friday. All together it will take about 30 min total. That's getting undress and the beam. The beams will shot on and around the tats. Only side affect by the time am down I will have a really bad sun burn and maybe some fatigue. Not to bad she will give me a prescription for some cream to put on me.

So much to this whole cancer thing. At least I got the big thing over with. Now its just the baby steps but it just seems like a long, long process.

It just seems like some people don't want to be around you is it because they are embarressed for the way you look or they just don't care. Any way I still have a little ways to go!

Dr. Vist

Ok so Sunday went to go see a client after church. When I got home I notice my shirt was wet. I had leakage around the drain tube site. La Sha took off the bandage and put on a fresh one. Over night it didn't drain very much. Been watching it all day and I notice that it was not draining at all but notice a big knot up above the scar. So went to go see the nurse and she is thinking a clot keeping it from draining so she try to work the clot out but no luck. She went ahead and took the drain out. She said probley what happen and La Sha said this also my body is healing so fast above the drain that it want allow the fluid to drain so I have fluid build up. So now I have to let my body asobe the fluid. So now I am drain free but still can't drive have to finish heal inside or do any heavy lifting so my body want make any fluid on my right side. We don't want any more fluid build up on that side since it has no way of draining thats way no more needle stick or blood pressure check on the right side. I am just happy to get the drain out. Was a little sad when she said I still can't drive. But thats ok we can't always have what we want!

Dr. Oommen Report

Went to go see Dr. Oommen the chemo oncolgy Friday on the 21. Before surgery tumor was measuring 13 cm and by the time surgery it had gotten smaller down to 6 cm. It was stage 3A he also said that the tumor I had was just not on the left side of the breast it was in all quadrants which means the whold breast was cancer. He did say that the cancer I have is a sneaky one. Even thou I don't have any breast it can still come back on the chest wall and in the scar. So he still wants me to do radation for 6 weeks. You would think that will take care of it. Well not so much so I will keep taking the Tomaxfin for 5 yrs and then another drug for 5 more years after that. I will be 61 when I am through and his remake was if he was me he will still worry. And he wants me to have my ovaries remove so that my body don't produce any estrogen. He is wanting to get really aggresive with my cancer.

So he is sending me to a gyn and going to see about having my overies remove. I go see her next week. Then on the 3rd I get to go see the oncolgy for radiation. So I guess my treatment well consist of 10 years. As longs as I get my treatment and what ever it takes to keep it from coming back I'm good with it.

I just have to say life is good no matter what bumps in the road I hit God's got my back!

Thoughts, Emotions!

What every you call them. I guess what ever illness you have that could be life threaten you are going to have emotions and different ones then normal. And no one really knows what you are going thru until they walk in your shoes. That's why when I knew that I had cancer first thing I did was contact a friend that had already been thru the chemo and surgery. It was not the same kind of cancer I have but he had already been thru and knew alot that help me.

After my surgery the scar didn't really bother me but they were not what I excepted. They are bigger then what I was told and what I excepted. But any way to late now. But when I got home many to times after I got out of the shower I would look in the mirror and wonder why did I do this to myself and shed a few tears. But before I left that bathroom I already bounce back and told myself this is not your fault and not your choice. The mastectomy was not a options and it was not like I was doing it just to make myself look better. And then I am ok with myself. Am just saying emotions they can really cause you to think different. I kept this to myself and finally told my daughter how I was feeling. She listen and shed a few tears with me. I don't share every thing with her I do keep alot to myself. When I do share with her she is very comforting.

But I feel I still have a great and positive out look on things. I could not have gotten thru alot of this with out GOD! with out La Sha with out Jack my riding buddy! and with out the support of all by family!

Jan 12

Went to the doctor today first visit since surgery. Got 3 drains taken out I was so happy cause they sure do itch. One was a little read and irritate but its all good. The one drain they left is the one that is draining the most of the lymph fluid. The pathology report was not so bad. The tumor was 6 cm about the size of a lime. Dr. Chow said big for my size since I was not that big breasted any way. She took out 16 lymph nodes and only 4 was cancer. The margins were good and left breast was ok nothing there. So know the only thing that really bothers me is that under my right arm since they had to mess with the nerves is really sore and numb feeling. It feels like mush I don't like the feeling at all. But I am hoping with time that the feeling will go away and get back to normal. I am suppose to go back Monday on the 17th to get the other drain out as long as it is 30 and under of fluids. But it seems to be draining more and the nurse said it would. So not sure if I am going to get it out Monday. We will see. And let me tell you it is hard to take a shower with 4 drains hanging from your neck. One drain hanging from your neck is not so bad. So keep your fingers cross that I get the last drain out.

Jan. 5

I know I am a little behind on blogging but come on who is really reading and keeping up with me. But here it goes Jan. 5 Wed. after my surgery I got to go home. My daughter La Sha came up to stay with me and a what I call a special friend came by just to visit before I went home (Jack). Now come on if someone knew you were going home that day how many friends would make the effort to come up there. They would probley wait until you got home. But not Jack he came up there and stay until I felt the hospital and walk out with me.

Got home around 1:30p and my x and his girl friend came by to visit me and brought me so flowers it was a nice visit. Then Mandi and the kids Kaydence and Hunter came by also to visit me. It was nice to see them. Didn't do to much but setting around and visit with company. Later that night La Sha empty 4 of my drains that was a experience since it was all new to me and to her. But she was awesome and was being be careful not to hurt me. La Sha has taken such good care of me. But she is a little upset cause I want take pain pills. But don't really need them to much.

By the end of the week was trying to do things for myself. Trying to take the load off of her which she was not to happy about. My scars are ugly and big and long. But hey its ok they will fade as time goes on and who is looking at my chest any way NO ONE! I can deal with it, its not pretty but it is something that had to be done. There was times when I would look at myself and ask why did I do this to myself. Then I have to stop and think this was not my choice, I didn't make his decision. It is something that needed to be done and then I look in the mirror and I am ok with it. You know how the mind works it makes you think silly things and then you have to re-check you thoughts and get back on the right page.

Surgery Day Jan 4th

Well today is the big day Jan. 4th 2011. Got up at 4am and took a shower. La Sha and I left the house at 5am to go to the hospital. Had to be there at 5:15 and surgery was to start at 7:15. Got check in and went to day surgery they put me in room 5 and told me to take every thing off from head to toes and I mean every thing. I did ask about the panties and they said those too. My thought was why they panties but I did as they said. I think La Sha and I sat in there for a couple of hours before they came to get me. We both were wondering why they had not already come and did the IV. They just came and ask questions. Pretty close to 7am they wheel me out of the room and to the holding room La Sha follow me and gave me a kiss and we said we love each other. She could not come back to the holding room with me. She was out in waiting room by herself and I was in holding room by myself. I think finally she had some company. But not me.

They gave me my IV and gave me some pain meds. They ask all kinds of question and then Dr. Chow came by and ask if I had any question for her. Then off to the OR and I remember the nurse writing on the board 7:12a and me sliding over to the next table. They put a mask on me and that was it don't remember any thing else.

Hours later I woke up in recovery room and the nurses and Dr. Chow was concern about my heart rate shot way up there. Dr. Chow order ekg and they were giving me med to help bring down my heart rate. But I felt fine except for the fact I broke out in a real bad sweat and was hot. Not sure if it had any thing to do with my heart rate being high or if I was having a hot flash. It was bad the nurses were giving me like 4 wet wash clothes and put a fan on me. They gave me some ice chips to eat finally my heart rate came down enough I could go to my room after about 2 hrs in recovery.

Got to my room 212 and the nurse before every one could come in she took my vital sign and my blood pressure was kind of low and heart rate still a little high but it finally came down. The nurse also strip by drain bulbs. La Sha stuck her head in and she said i was fixing to get a lot of visitors. La Sha, Bubba, Bert, Mandi, Bryan, Shelly, and a special friend Jack came in to see me. It was nice having them all there put a smile on my face. I felt good was not sick at all. It was good that I had company. La Sha, Bert, Jack, Bubba, Mandi, Bryan, Shelly and the Pastor from church were all in the waiting room that was nice. I was a little surprise that Brother Donny the pastor from church came by. And my friend Jack very nice that he was there waiting and stay to see me afterwards very nice.

Thanks to all the support that I had that day my kids,family,and church family and special friend. And all the prayers that came in. What more could a girl ask for. Stay tune for more.

Hugs to all!

Part 8

It was on Dec. 14 that he nurse call me and let me know that my surgery is schedule for Jan 4 and 7:15 am. She gave me all the instruction on what to do and who to call and schedule my pre-op. Got the papers in the mail on who to call for pre-op. I went in on Dec. 28 and got lab,chest x-ray, and Echo done. Then had appointment with a nurse by the name of Shreere Benton. La Sha and I went to see her and she explain every thing very well. What was going to take place in surgery and what was going to take place after surgery once I get to my room. She was very good and every thing was in detail. She went over the care with me for when I go home. Well the next time I will write will be after my surgery. Stay tune to see how it turns out.

See you then!

Part 7

I had a vist with Dr. Chow today on Nov. 10 she was very please on how the tumor had gotten smaller. She was planting the seed for surgery. She wanted me to stay on the Tamoxifen for at least another month to see if it would get any smaller. I was to go back to her in Dec. on the 9th. That afternoon went to go see Dr. Oommen and he was still please at the results so we didn't have to hang around there very long.

On Dec. 8th went back to Dr. Oommen and I let him know that I didn't think it had gotten any smaller and lymph nodes were more noticeable. Did didn't think so but he assure us that it is just going to take time. The Tamoxifen is a slow results. My next time to see him will be Jan. 4th.

On Dec. 9th went to go see Dr. Chow. She check me out and she also said, she didn't think there was much different in the size from Nov. Then we started talking about surgery and what was going to be done. I am going to have a Modified Radical Mastectomy on the right side and she will be removing all the lymph nodes under the right arm. Then we talk about the left side do we take it or do we keep it. She thinks it will be good to take it since I already had trouble with it in the past. So on the left side she well do a Simple Mastectomy. Now it is just wait and see when the surgery is. She said that within the next week her nurse would be calling me and letting me know when it was.

Part 6

Next chemo was on Sep. 15. Got lab work done and went to see Dr. Oommen and then off to chemo. It was not so bad. Shreai took me and La Sha showed up the drugs going in are not to bad its the after effect. Any way Shreai, La Sha and I played cards. It was great getting chemo and playing cards with your daughters. We had a good time and it didn't take very long. After this second around it was not so bad. Since Kim a nurse explain to La Sha and I how to take the nausea meds. We master it cause I didn't get sick not once go us. Went to church that night got a head ache but it was ok. Didn't get sick this around. But went back that Friday and got some more fluids and felt a little sick sitting in the waiting room. So they got me back pretty quick. Got my fluids and was good to go. I would say this time around was ok.

On the 21 of Sep. went and did my lab work. Blood counts down a little not to bad. My next around of chem is on Sept. 29. Went and got lab work and then went to see Dr. Oommen. He was not please with the results of the chemo. The tumor is not responding to the chemo. So I don't get chemo today. He is starting me on hormone therapy. Tamoxifen which is a estrogen blocker. This is what he thinks will make the tumor smaller. I started it that night and I take it every night.

My next vist with Dr. Oommen is on Oct. 13 he was very please on how the Tamoxifen is working It had made it smaller and moveable alot. He said it was justing going to take time and getting it really small for surgery. So my next vist with him will be on Nov. 10.

Part 5

Picking up where I left off. My first round of chemo it wasn't to bad while getting done. I do know that later that night on Aug 31 I started getting a headache. It was Thursday that was not good at all. We are talking about being sick and I mean sick. I was sick all day Thursday and did alot of sleeping and throwing up. I was suppose to work that night but I needed up calling in. My sister came by La Sha house that's where I was staying. She brought me something to eat soup and drinks. She also help me bath while I was soaking in a tub. Boy I was sick bad stuff. Went that following Friday and got some fluids due to the fact with I was dehydrated. I even got sick while I was sitting in the waiting room. Poor La Sha it was kind of funny. She was gaging and some other lady help. They finally got me back and gave me the fluids. She explain how to use the nausea med and gave me a script of steroids.

Boy when I took the steroids 3 a day for 3 days. Wow! never want to do that again. I was up for 3 days straight. Could not sleep bad stuff. Went to bed thinking I am tired lay there for 10 mins. and I was up again looking for something to do. In those 3 days and nights I moved furniture around, hung stuff on the walls, went to work. Let me tell you I sure wanted to sleep I even sat on the side of the bed crying cause I wanted to sleep. I sure was glad when I was done take those. That was my first around of chem. Next week is lab work.