Life

Life isn't always beautiful Sometimes its just plain hard Life can knock you down It can break your heart Life isn't always beautiful You think your on your way Its just a dead end road At the end of the day But the struggles make you stronger And the changes make you wise And happiness has its owe way Of taking its sweet time No life aint always beautiful Tears will fall sometimes No life aint always beautiful But its a beautiful ride!

Weekend!

Its Saturday and so pretty outside. I have one thing to say about my friends which aren't very many. Friends are someone who keeps in touch with you, someone that is there for you, someone that will give you space when you need it and wait for you to contact them, someone that wont bale on you, someone that is there for support NOT TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU!, someone that will be there to help you if you need something, someone that puts a smile on your face, someone that trys to lift you when your down, someone that don't run when times get rough, someone to take you to doctors appointment if you need the support, someone that has a ear and will listen no matter what time of the day or night, someone you can cry on there shoulder. So many more factors on what a friend is. For those that knows me I will go to great lenghts to be there for you and except nothing in return.

For those that knows what am going thru don't FEEL SORRY FOR ME cause am no charity case and I don't want your pity if you look at me and you feel sorry for me then your not a true friend. Cause you don't stay in contact with someone cause you feel sorry for them you stay in contact with them cause you are a friend.

I don't need any one nor do I want any one to feel sorry for me am a big girl and I can handle what ever is handed to me I don't need no pity. Some times I need a shoulder to cry on some times I need someone to just listen but I have no one. But thats ok like I said am a big girl maybe I don't need all that.

True friends are like fragile cargo handle them with care and take care of them!

I hope you all have a good weekend and a great week going to be nice out!

10 more days!

So glad its the weekend. Am ready for this 3 day weekend. And next weekend gets better cause it will be a 4 day weekend.

Only 10 more days come Monday. So glad that this chapter is closing on me. Just one less thing I have to deal with so let hope that it is working and there will be a good out come cause I know that I sure am paying for it. Riding weather so lets see if that is going to happen. I am ready to ride didn't get to last weekend. It has been such a busy week for me to much running going on.

Have a good weekend.

11 Days

The day was ok. Don't have to much to say but its so pretty outside and nice. And not sure why I have the blues.

Hope everyone had a good one!

12 more!

It was such a good day. Had someone try to bring me down but it didn't work. Radiation is good and went to go see the social worker afterwards. And was very please to hear some good news. I was on top of the world after that news. Being running all day now rest for the wicked!

I hope that you all had a great day!

13

Well lets see good day a little cool outside but still a good day. So had a radiation tech ask me today if she has talk to me about Boost. I said no what is that. She said the last 7 days of radiation I will get a Boost of radiation. Just when I thought I had all I needed they think I need a boost. She told me that on the 22nd my appointment time would be a little later then normal. I will have to go thru a trial run of the Boost. That means laying on that table a little longer then normal while they take more films and mark me for the Boost. Which mean more drawing and stickers. Wow am so excited I can hardly wait. But If needed so be it. The big machine that does my radiation they will put another part of it which will make the beams target only on my scar. They want to give they scar area a Boost. Which am thinking this is a big scar thin but long.

Then I ask the doctor about why the back of my right shoulder is also turning red. He explain that the angle that the radiation is going in is also coming out the back of my shoulder. So I guess the radiation is going right thru me kind of spooky cause I never really look at it like that. I just thought that the back of me was also getting it. Well you know what I mean. I guess you will have to be there to know what am talking about.

On top of that on the 22nd that morning I will be having a sona-gram done which Iwill be having to drink why to much water with in 30 mins and hold and not go to the bathroom. Another thriller looking forward to. But there is a reason for that nothing wrong just precaution to keep the cancer from coming back. And checking to make sure my meds. and that it hasn't spread any where else. So see all for good reason. I am game any one else?

Cancer Prayer:

For our fears, give us courage.
In our tears, find a song.
For our doubts, grant conviction.
Where we're weak, make us strong.
Turn our faults into blessings.
Turn our grief into praise.
And for dark hours of sadness, Give us bright golden days.
Turn our anguish into worship.
Turn our hearts to heaven's way.
And for the blessings you have given,
make us thankful every day.

Amen!

14 more days!

Well just a little over two weeks to go. I am so getting there. Its been a good day got up early and went to get little boss lady ready for day care since her mother didn't. Then went and did radiation then came back pick up Peyton, Jaxson, and Jayden went out to Burleson to pick up my little 2 day check. If it wasn't for my friend then I would not of had the gas to go pick it up what a special friend. And let me tell you my skin is itching so bad on the right side where the radiation is being done at. The creams are not helping with the itching. But I just have to suck it and deal with it. Not to much longer!

Day not sure!

I just know that I have 15 more days left. And today I am tired and have to work tonight. So think I am going to try and lay down before I play MOMO and have kid duty. Love them grand babies. But first have to get all cream up.

You all have a wonderful weekend I know I will!

16

Half way done 16 more days. I am over the hump and when I am done with all this radiation and I can go back to working what ever I will be looking for a new job. I can't deal with my work place not listening about what days I can work and what days I can't work. I have been dealing with this problem every since I have gotten cancer. I even filled out a new sheet on what days I am available to work. But for some reason they just can't seem to understand it.

I try to work with them and even give in to give this past weekend. But they just don't want to work with me. I am so done with it.

What is one to do?

17

That's right 17 more days! Moving right along. Tired but was tired before I did radiation. Got to get me some energy meds. I will be ok after Friday!

Tough and plan on staying that way nothing can bring me down.

Love you all! And you know who all is!

18 more days!

I have done a total of 15 radiation and have only 18 more days left. After yesterday was not sure if I wanted to keep going on and doing them. Today has not been to bad of a day.

I just need to get mine mind into a mode of not wanting what I want. Not giving up cause I am a bigger fighter. One day I will!

I hope you all have a good day!

Yes another rough day!

All I can say is 19 more days!

I did go today to the other house and pick up a few stuff. And was looking around at what use to be my room. And my thoughts were I don't belong here. So I wonder where do I belong? Do I belong any where?

Life!

We don't always get what we want in life. Then there or others that does. If we don't get what we want doesn't mean we didn't apply ourselves. It just means that it wasn't for us.

So many people are so afraid of taking chances or being hurt that they miss out. I know I have been there. So if you want something in your life be sure that you can have it. That goes back to my saying DON'T WANT WHAT YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T HAVE! LOVE LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN HURT! DANCE LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING!

Some times I wish I could share what I want and yes what I need. But sometimes it better left unsaid cause you know that you can't have it.


If we refuse to live from our hearts, we will live in the fantasy of denial or the sterile prison of caution.

Tough Day!

Well did another day of radiation. And I think it is catching up with me. I am really wore out today. Come Monday will be day 20. And I am tired it seems like I still have a long ways to go. Am not even half way there. When I get down to 16 more days I will be half way there.

Am tired just plain tired today. Glad not work or radiation this weekend. I do have to do laundry and spring cleaning but going to take it easy. See am to tired to say much going to go rest. You all have a great weekend.

Why settle for good with you can have great!

Another Day Down!

That's right another day down with radiation. Just 21 more days to go. Not to bad getting a good tan on my right side. I guess I know what they mean when they say i will be more tired. Had a good day spent it with La Sha and took her to go visit my aunt. It was a nice vist. Got several unexpected text from someone that really made my day! Yep I was all smiles it was great!

Now have to go to work tonight and this weekend its suppose to get cold Saturday. Am suppose to do some spring cleaning and do laundry.

I am having such a great day! With all this cancer stuff going on all I can say is that this CANCER MESS WITH THE WRONG BITCH!

22 more days and looking good!

Well came home from work around 8:15 this morning. Fix coffee jump in shower and watch a little TV. Headed off to radiation it was quick. Got social worker to sign off on some transportation papers. Then went to other Texas Oncology and got them to sign off on some papers. Then came home sure didn't want to since it was so pretty out side. Any way watch some more TV with La Sha. Then had to go to CVS and pick up script. Then back home again sure didn't want to since it is so pretty out side. Just didn't want to be in the house today.

I thought about motorcycle riding, thought about long skirt, thought about 008, thought about being free. It was just to nice to be in doors.

Only 22 more days left of radiation and am so looking forward to it. Then I need to decide when to have the other stuff done.

Decision, Decision why can't someone else make them? Just kidding on that subject I want to make the decision.

Later everyone!

23 More Day!

What a day. Watch a good movie this morning then off to radiation. It went really good and seen the doc afterwards. Dr. Shide said every thing looks good and stay on top of the creams. Then I went to go have lunch to kill some time. After lunch went to Dr. Clovon the gyn. She told me what my options were. And in no hurry to get it taken care of. In April I will have another transvag sonogram done. Then I will have to decide when to do it.

Decision, Decision!